


Of Tears and Shooting Stars

by caochpotata



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Anxiety, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Found Family, How Do I Tag, M/M, Magic, Moon, MoonFairyTale, Not Beta Read, References to Depression, Romance, Seongjoong Week 2020, Stars, Suicide Attempt, also i guess i should, and there is gonna be a lot of, because i am in love with astronomy, better put it in here, how do i even tag this i don't know, i guess, i wrote this mainly for myself, i'm sorry i'm putting them through this, no beta we die like shooting stars, okay so this is based on a selfwritten fairytale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:00:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24697219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caochpotata/pseuds/caochpotata
Summary: The Moon and Polaris had fallen in love a long long time ago.And they were living quietly, peacefully, up in the sky - surrounded by the stars and their Moonfairy, all of them were working on answering the questions and inquiries by humanity.Until a forbidden wish formed and a headache started.//ORHongjoong feels sad when he sees fallen stars.Seonghwa is the one crying them into the night.----------------Based on a self-written fairytale prompt i made years ago.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Kudos: 23





	1. Intro (Yes)

_ “If only I had someone to talk to” _

_ “But I am so unlikable” _

_ “I just wish I was good enough” _

_ “If only somebody cared about me” _

  
  
  
  


As Hongjoong opens his eyes, he finds himself standing on the walkway of a bridge.

He's not sure how he got there, a headache forming behind his temples as he tries to think about what made him come out here in the middle of the night.

His eyes scan his surroundings, taking in the bridge and skyline that seems vaguely familiar, when he spots someone standing further down the bridge.

Something in him urges Hongjoong to walk closer to the figure that's hunched over the railing of the bridge, seemingly lost in thought as they stare down at the black river flowing below them.

Hongjoong only manages to take three steps.

As if the other had sensed the presence of Hongjoong approaching, they looked up with wide and scared eyes.

Eyes that were wet with tears and filled with emotions so deep and hurting, Hongjoong felt like he would drown in the pain.

Hongjoong stopped, mouth falling open in a stunned silence as he watches the boy before him rub at his red eyes, turning sideways to hide his muffled sobs and ever-flowing tears.

He decides to step up to the railing instead of walking closer, taking another lingering look at the crying boy, before he levels his eyes onto the lights of the bustling city further down the stream.

  
  


"It's a beautiful night, isn't it?"

  
  


The boy is startled by Hongjoong speaking up, he himself not sure why he starts a conversation when the other clearly would rather be alone.

Hongjoong steals a quick glance at the other who is openly staring at him.

  
  


"Y-yeah i guess." The voice is hoarse, strained from all the cries and sobs it must have let out. He must have been here for longer than Hongjoong had guessed.

  
  


Hongjoong manages a warm smile as he goes back to watching the colors of the city.

  
  


"Sometimes i wonder why we surround ourselves with so many bright lights when all we would need is to look up at the stars for guidance."

  
  


Unsure where the words come from, Hongjoong just lets them form on his tongue, speaking them out into the night instead of wondering where this side of him suddenly comes from. Trying only makes his head hurt again.

  
  


"If the night sky is all we need for guidance, then why hasn't it answered the endless questions i asked it?"

  
  


Hongjoong hadn't expected for the boy to speak up himself. He sounded so broken, so worn out and tired - as if Hongjoong's statement had personally attacked him, cracking down every last bit of joy he had held.

The boy's answer had stirred something deep inside of Hongjoong. 

It felt as if a memory tried to fight it's way back to the surface, but he still couldn't quite grasp onto it. 

  
  


"What did you ask it?" 

  
  


"I asked for a lot of things over the years. Why love exists. If we have a predetermined destiny that we need to follow. Why crying makes one feel so relieved. How humans developed this need for warmth, not only in a physical sense but more in an emotional way.

"But recently I have asked the same two questions over and over again."

  
  


Hongjoong, again, felt like something was trying to break through the thick ice in his mind, his headache becoming more prominent.

He's not quite sure if he wants to know the answer, but he asks nevertheless.

"What are they?"

  
  


The boy heaves a heavy sigh before he turns to face Hongjoong, who's looking back at the other.

  
  


"One of them is asking if i am destined to hurt on my own for the rest of my life.

The other one is questioning if someone would miss me if i would just die right now."

  
  


Hongjoong gulps, his headache pulsing through his head as he actually takes in the boy in front of him.

The way he's grabbing onto the railing for support, as if he's too tired to stand up on his own.

How his eyes are puffy and red from all the tears they had let go.

His hair ruffed up, his clothing mismatched, his shoes not properly tied.

  
  


"Tell me, what is your name"

  
  


The boy's eyes widen as he's taken aback by the sudden question. He takes a moment, as if contemplating if it's worth it to tell the stranger his name.

Hongjoong gives him the time, just watching him with a gentle look.

  
  


"Choi Jongho" the boy finally answers.

  
  


"Well then, Choi Jongho, let me be the sky and answer your questions."

  
  


Hongjoong takes a few steps closer to Jongho, who is frozen in place.

  
  


"No, you are not destined to hurt by yourself for eternity. You will find friends that will give you company and advice while you will work through whatever gives you trouble. Who will comfort you when life gets too much and nothing but fear of the future is left behind."

Hongjoong takes one of Jongho's hands into his own, looking at their point of connection.

"And for the second question - yes, you would be missed. Your friend would mourn that he has lost you and failed in protecting you from the burden of this world."

  
  


Jongho chokes up, a sob breaking through his tightly sealed lips as he looks up to catch Hongjoong's eyes.

  
  


"I don't have any friends. And i doubt i will find even one."

  
  


Hongjoong’s smile softens.

  
  


"Then let me change that.

"Jongho - Will you be my friend?"


	2. Part 1 (Missing)

_"Yes."_

Seonghwa was startled out of his daydream as a familiar chime of bells announced the arrival of someone.

He took a step back from the window from which he had watched over earth and turned to see who he had the pleasure to deal with now.

As his eyes laid upon the figure before him, a smile spread across his face.

"I hadn't realized you would be back so soon, my dear" Seonghwa's tone was soft and filled with warmth.

Hwanwoong took off his bag and placed it on the desk in the middle of the room. He flew up to the older and embraced him in a tight hug.

"Neither did i to be honest. The oh so great Polaris seemed busy so i only dropped of your letter, he hasn't written a reply yet. But i brought the collection from Eastern Europe that you wanted and also the filtered requests for you to sort through" 

"And here i was hoping i could steal away some minutes from work to read his letter."

Letting go of another, the two sat down at the desk to take a look at what Hwanwoong had brought with him.

"Let's see what questions humanity has for me today."

_The Moon, our strongest Seonghwa._

_That was his full title._

  
  


_His entire existence was born out of the human need for guidance in the dark._

_They gave him a title - The Moon. And every waking hour of his day, he tended to the riddles that humans asked him._

_But for the past millennium, he didn't have to do it alone._

_Humanity had wished for another celestial being, and thus Polaris had started to give him some company while they tended to the mortal requests._

_Answering questions about life through meaningful dreams, guiding humans towards their future loved ones by giving them a little nudge in the right direction, helping them on evolving as a species._

_But it wasn't always easy, the sheer mass of thoughts that reached them growing by the minute. And the Moon, seeing himself as the older and more responsible one, took it upon himself to work without pause. Making himself grow anxious at the thought he wouldn't be enough, wouldn't be able to manage his sole purpose._

_And through more of an accident than actual plans, they found out that the moon's tears - that he cried into Polaris' shoulder one night when the pressure of guiding all of humanity grew too large - formed stars that would cling to the darkness of the night, illuminating the vast space around the two lonely beings._

_And they were more than just some sparkling dots._

_From them grew a network that helped the Moon and Polaris to tend to their tasks._

_The stars formed a shared consciousness that the two could interact with and that would take a big part of their burden from their shoulders._

_They started to tend to the simpler questions and dreams of humans, the ones that would not need the attention of the two busy celestials._

_Together, they worked on a system - created a workflow in which most stars would tend to their own human and forward the requests they were unsure about to the ones that had more experience and a free hand to take over to guide the younger ones._

_And if all stars came up with no satisfying solution they would turn towards the Moon and Polaris to ask for guidance._

_Over time, as the stars grew more experienced and took over more and more of the work, the Moon found himself with more time to breath in between all of his work._

_With space in his own mind to think for himself again and not only for and about humanity._

_And he found himself wondering how Polaris felt. What he thought. How he managed. If he managed at all._

_So one night they found themselves next to another, talking._

_And the Moon had spoken about what he felt, about all the thoughts that plagued him about their shared burden and future. He asked._

_“What can i do to make this easier?”_

_And Polaris had looked at him for a long time._

_“Just being with me is enough. Just knowing that you are here whenever i need you is more than enough, my love.”_

_It was the first time one of them had put a word on what they felt to another. And they decided to seal their bond by gifting another what both had started wished for - a purpose outside of their guiding role for humanity. A name other than the title the mortals had put on them. Something else to look forward to in their existence._

_"You are so strong, my love. So very strong. But let me take the lead so you can rest as well."_

_“I will let you lead me through my hard times and give up my strenght to lean on you. But I will always be here for you to hold onto when you grow tired. I’ll be strong enough for the both of us.”_

_And they had given another names. Ones that were only to be used in private, outside their lives as Members of the Sky and guides of humanity._

  
  


_And the Moon became Seonghwa._

"Seonghwa, you there?" 

He snapped out of his daydream, focusing his brain back onto the work before him and the Fairy besides him.

"Yeah- yeah i'm here. Just had something come up again i hadn't thought about in a while", Seonghwa smiled. He took the files Hwanwoong held out to him and began going through the reports.

Hwanwoong made himself comfortable, leaning his head against Seonghwa's shoulder and slipping into a light sleep while waiting for the older to finish.

It was common for the younger to nap whenever he got a chance to - he didn't need to, but he enjoyed the feeling of not having to care for a short while about anything.

  
  
  
  


The Mosi didn't sleep - they didn't particularly require rest in a way mortals do. 

Instead, Seonghwa and Hongjoong would take a rest in their stead once per day at midnight - it's what humans experience as new moon.

Time is relative and nobody was really sure if the Mosi had taken the concept of 'days' from the mortals, or the other way around.

As they lived in a constant state of night, never actually really seeing the sun, they didn't structure their day after the brightness of their surrounding but rather by the times the Moon and Polaris would rest.

And so, for the night sky, a day started with Seonghwa and Hongjoong opening their eyes, and ended with them closing for what Mosi called "the true night hour" - One human day in which the Moon and Polaris went off the radar.

  
  


Hwanwoong though, was neither a regular Mosi nor Seonghwa and Hongjoong. He was just - himself.

And so he had decided to take naps whenever, wherever and for how long he could. Never truly interfering with his workflow or the needs of the ones he helped, but knowingly taking the freedom for himself to experience what fascinated him so much.

  
  
  
  


When the time came and Seonghwa gently nudged Hwanwoong to wake up again after he finished what the fairy had brought him, the younger opened his eyes and without another word, took his bag to continue his delivering route through the sky. 

With a last smile and a wave over his shoulder, he was gone again and Seonghwa was left alone to ponder over the weird feeling that had crept up to him while Hwanwoong was over.

  
  


Seonghwa didn’t get headaches easily, only ever feeling them creep up when faced with a mortal request that was close to beyond his powers. 

The constant pulse in his head alarmed him that something was not right.

So fundamentally not right.

He went over to the window he had stood next to earlier and looked down onto earth. 

Someone must have made a wish. A wish that would bring him to the end of his abilities and beyond.

Seonghwa considers asking Polaris for some help. Maybe the other could ease his pain with reassuring words or gentle touches. He could help him look for the incoming request that is causing the unnerving pounding in his head. Polaris himself might share the headache with him - he should definitely check up on him.

But the second he turned away from the view over earth, his mind pained him more.

Something tugged him back to the window, wanting him to stay and keep looking at it.

Seonghwa’s confusion only grew but he listened to his gut feeling and kept staring at earth in the distance.

He was able to see the continent of Asia leaving from his field of view.

  
  


And somehow that made him feel more uneasy.

_“Hwanwoong, maybe i should ask if he shares the headache.”_

_“But we don’t know where he is right now-”_

_“You- wait what?”_

_“He is-_


	3. Part 2 (I Trust You)

_“-missing”_

Hongjoong blinked a couple of times, refocusing his eyes on reality and tuning his senses back onto his surrounding as a ray of sunlight hit his face.

For a second it he had felt like the headache and thick fog would lift from his mind and allow him a glance at what lies behind - it was as if a name was about to form on his tongue to be spoken into reality - but the blinding light had taken him out of his daydream.

Hongjoong took in the situation - It was morning, he sat at the small table in the kitchen of Jongho’s apartment, the latter still asleep in his room. 

Right, Jongho.

He thought back to last night.

After Hongjoong had offered his friendship to the younger, he had broken down crying in the older’s arms. They had spent a good twenty minutes just standing there on the bridge, in the middle of the night, holding another.

Hongjoong had managed to calm Jongho down, and they had decided to walk back to Jongho’s apartment as he needed rest and Hongjoong - well Hongjoong couldn’t remember if he actually had a home. So he had instead quickly offered to accompany the younger and be there for him for the night - like friends do - and got the offer in return to sleep at his place.

Somehow though, once the younger had shown Hongjoong his place, offered the empty room for him to use for the night ( _“it’s empty either way, i don’t have a roommate currently.. so you can just have it for.”)_ , he had retreated to sort through his mind and catch a few hours of sleep and leave the other to do so too, leaving Hongjoong alone in his uncertainty.

Hongjoong hadn't fallen asleep.

He hadn’t even felt the slightest bit of tiredness.

He had tossed and turned in bed, in the unfamiliar environment. But something just hadn’t felt right.

So instead he had went into the small kitchen, rummaged through the cupboards and had finally set down at the table with a glass of juice and a cereal bar. 

And then he had just looked outside the window and let his mind wander.

His mind had still been foggy. He couldn’t remember anything from before the moment he first had opened his eyes on the bridge earlier this night - and every attempt to get any memory out from behind the fog gave him a headache that was unbearable.

So instead he had just let his brain suggest what to ponder on and he had gotten stuck on the night sky.

Somehow his eyes had glued themselves onto the few sparkling dots he could see outside the window and all he was able to think about for the following hours was relating in one way or another to them.

So getting blinded by the sun wasn’t something Hongjoong had expected.

It had forcefully dragged him away from what had almost felt like a breakthrough to who he actually was or where he came from. 

He had been so immersed in chasing the name that he hadn’t even noticed how it had brightened up and the sun had risen over the horizon.

And somehow, now that he took in the first light of the day, the view of the sun in the sky felt like something he had never seen before. Like something entirely new and unnatural.

Which, let’s be honest, was impossible. 

How could he have never seen the sun before?

Before he could ponder too much about the weird creeping feeling and the growing headache, muffled noises from deeper into the apartment reached Hongjoong and kept him anchored in the present.

He left his untouched midnight snack behind and went to the source of the early morning commotion.

Upon carefully entering Jongho’s room he found the latter rushing around his room, hurriedly grabbing things around him and organizing them on his desk in different piles while his macbook was turning on.

“What are you doing?” Jongho apparently hadn’t heard Hongjoong enter and thus let out a shriek as he turned to stare at the older who was standing in the doorframe.

“I hadn’t expected for you to be awake already to be honest - i’m sorry if i woke you up”

Jongho’s voice came out pressed, obviously he was still trying to calm from the shock he got from the unexpected guest. He visibly forced himself to take his eyes off of Hongjoong and turned back to the desk to continue his busy organizing of sheer endless papers and notes.

Hongjoong hesitantly took a step into the room, taking in the little things scattered around the room, little accessories and tidbits that seemed to live on every surface that was available.

But none of them seemed to feature a hint of someone else in Jongho’s life - they were all clearly his or related to him only.

No pictures of friends. No self-made gifts. Nothing of value that didn’t look like Jongho would have bought it himself.

“You didn’t wake me up, no worries.” Hongjoong found himself next to Jongho, taking a look over his shoulder onto the scattered mess. “What is all of this?”

“I forgot i had a project”, the younger sighed. “Well, more like i didn’t expect i actually would have to do it, but..” Jongho’s voice trailed off as his hand ghosted over a sticky note.

“Now that i am still here, i guess i need to finish most of this today to hand it in for check in”

_  
  
_

Hongjoong sadly understood.

Jongho hadn’t planned to come back home last night.

It was one of the things Hongjoong had thought about while sitting in the kitchen. 

The questions Jongho had told him about, the ones he had again and again asked the night sky - they hadn’t really seemed like Jongho still had a lot to live for. And the way his living space had seemed so meticulously put together in contrast to how he had dressed himself.

Not to mention the piece of paper Jongho had hurriedly hidden from Hongjoong’s eyes once the latter had found it on the sofa.

Jongho had planned to leave forever.

But Hongjoong’s presence, his words, had stopped him.

_  
  
_

“I don’t even understand what half of this is about to be honest” A dry chuckle left Jongho’s lips. “And yet i will have to figure it out somehow. For once i am glad i woke up with sunrise” 

Hongjoong deliberately ignored the sad undertone and vague hint to Jongho’s bad sleeping habits. “Is there nobody you could ask about this?”

Jongho defeatedly looked up to Hongjoong. “Who would i even ask? You know i don’t really have anybody around..”

An encouraging smile sneaked up on Hongjoong’s face as he put his arm around the younger’s shoulders. 

“We will find someone, i’m sure.”

_  
  
_

The two spent the morning organizing the materials Jongho had gathered for his writing and coming up with a plan of attack that would get tight but Hongjoong reassured again and again that Jongho could manage to get it done in time.

And while the younger started to read up again on the topic, Hongjoong grabbed the note with the keypad combination Jongho had given him the night before and went out to, not only get some groceries to cook a healthy meal, but also maybe run into someone useful.

He somehow had this gut feeling that something good might happen.

But it wasn’t until Hongjoong was almost back from his trip that he happened to stumble upon someone.

In the most literal sense.

  
  


He suddenly went flying as his foot caught on something - and his face would have met concrete, if not for a strong arm that suddenly had grabbed him by the shoulder to keep him from face planting.

Once Hongjoong was stable enough to stand on his own again, the hand removed itself and revealed who it belonged to - a tall guy with light brown hair and a shy but blinding smile.

“Better keep an eye on where you go. You okay?” 

Hongjoong felt himself nod, but his mind was racing. Something was drawing him to this guy.

“Yeah, i guess i’m alright. Thanks for, you know, not letting me fall.”

“No big deal. Everyone gets lost in their own thoughts sometimes, it’s nice to keep an eye out on others when we’re not caught up ourselves.” The taller gave a small laugh. “So anyway, where are you headed? I might be able to look out for you a bit longer”

Hongjoong was stunned by the seemingly genuine friendliness the one before him radiated, and according to his instincts he could trust this guy. And maybe he could be the missing piece he had been looking for on his errand run.

“Uh, just a bit further down the street. I’d love to chat a bit more with my knight in shining armor if that’s okay for you!” Hongjoong was excited to learn more about the other, it was a weird feeling that didn’t seem to leave him alone.

“More like attentive student in an oversized sweater, but thanks.” Another bright smile was plastered on his face. “Seems like we’re headed in the same direction then, of course we can chat - I’m Yunho by the way.”

“Hongjoong”

“Good to meet you, Hongjoong. So shoot, what was keeping your mind busy enough to not see the giant root in the pavement?” 

They started walking alongside another, Hongjoong grabbing his backpack straps to stop his hands from fidgeting, his eyes trained on the ground in hopes of not tripping again.

“Well, my friend is struggling with his assignment right now but i don’t really know how to help him. I’m not a student and in general have zero clue about what he’s studying. So now we’re both just stuck trying to figure things out but the deadline is closing in on him and oh well. It’s just a big chaos right now to be honest. No idea how Jongho will manage on his own but i guess all i can do is support him in everything but the actual writing… He’s in a tough situation right now, there’s a lot going outside of school for him. I hope we get through it together”

Hongjoong hadn’t planned on spilling everything right off the bat, but there he went, his tongue let loose. 

“Jongho, you say?” When Hongjoong looked back up to the taller, Yunho had tilted his head in thought.

“What does he look like? A bit taller than you? Kinda buff? Coconut haircut?”

Hongjoong’s eyes widened. “Exactly! Wait, you know him?” 

This seemed more and more like fate.

“Uh, i share some classes with him. And i think we actually live quite close to another, i’ve seen him around this area a few times.” Yunho’s shy smile gave Hongjoong a burst of hope.

Hongjoong almost didn’t dare to ask - “You’re not sharing a class given by a professor Mun with him by any chance, are you?” 

Yunho’s smile faltered into a concerned frown. Bad sign. 

“Don’t tell me that’s the assignment he’s struggling with.”

Hongjoong flinched at the disappointed tone. Now he hadn’t expected that from the other. He still gave a weak nod - it was exactly that paper that Jongho had procrastinated writing and in the end given up on.

“He will need more than just my help - an allnighter, infinite coffee and the blessing of the sky at least, according to what you’ve told me.

I’ll gladly give him my help though. And for the rest, i might have an idea.”

Hongjoong was dumbfounded at how willingly Yunho had just agreed to help out. He stopped in his tracks, staring at the other.

“Are you sure? You don’t seem to know him that well, how come you’re so open?”

Yunho had stopped a few paces away, back turned to the smaller. A heavy sigh came from him.

“I know what it’s like being cramped up in work and how hard it can be to power through when all you wanna do is lie down. Jongho looked like he had a similar headspace to the one i had a few years back.”

Yunho turned around, a bittersweet smile on his lips.

“I already had planned to talk to him after class yesterday, but he didn’t show up.”

Hongjoong nodded. 

Once again, he was faced with the reality of what Jongho had planned to do last night, and how he was the last thread that had held him back.

He wasn’t quite sure how to handle the immense feeling of being the sole reason for another to continue living. 

It felt surreal. 

“So uhm” Yunho cleared his throat, bringing Hongjoong back to reality from the spiral his mind had crashed down within seconds.

“How did we end up here?”

Hongjoong took a look around, finding that he had unintentionally brought them back to the apartment complex Jongho was living in. He hadn’t even realized how long the two had been talking while apparently making the whole trip back home.

“How did you know i live here?”

Hongjoong was - once again - dumbfounded. “What? I didn’t?”

It was now Yunho’s turn for confusion. “Then how did we-”

“I’m staying at Jongho’s, remember? He lives here.”

The two looked at another for a few seconds before their minds catched up and connected the dots - Jongho and Yunho were living in the same building.

Just how tied up were their strings of fate to bring them so close and yet never letting them run into another?

They burst into laughter, making a few passerbys turn their heads to the pair.

“Guess it was meant to be then” Yunho took Hongjoong by the shoulder and lead them into the building, going straight for the staircases “Now tell me - what floor? Is it the third?”

Hongjoong nodded with a grin. “I suppose it’s also your floor?”

The two found themselves in front of Jongho’s apartment in no time.

Yunho was staring back and forth between the door and another one a few steps further down the hallway.

“I’ve been living three doors down from one of the best students in my classes without realizing? All the missed potential for studying together. Damn, i could have used his help in that exam last semester.” Yunho heaved a sigh. “Should have asked him sooner i guess..”

“You’re asking now. For the moment, that’s good enough” 

The door closed behind Hongjoong with a faint chime signaling it was locked back up after he had entered.

He let himself sink to the floor, taking a deep breath and collecting his thoughts.

Yunho had given him his number, offering to come over to help or meet up somewhere else if Jongho would need his help, but clearly stating he didn’t want to just invite himself over. 

Now Hongjoong was left with the task of introducing Jongho to the idea of letting a basically stranger help him.

A faint crash followed by a string of curses drifted to Hongjoong from Jongho’s room.

Maybe it wouldn’t be as hard as he initially thought.

_ “It won’t be that bad. We won’t have to stay, but it might be of help” _

_ “Okay. _


	4. Part 3 (My-)

_ “I trust you.” _

“Hwanwoong, tell me again what exactly happened”

__

The fairy held both his hands up in defense as he took a deep breath to explain it for the fourth time to Seonghwa.

__

“After i left earlier i went to collect the next few reports to bring over to him but when i turned up - he was gone. Just, gone. I tried asking the stars but nobody had talked with him in the past hours. Nobody is exactly sure when he was last seen, they are still trying to go through the recent memories, but it’s nearing noon so they are pretty busy with the mortals right now. We don’t know where he is.”

__

Seonghwa took a deep breath as he tried to calm his racing thoughts

__

But whatever he did, he couldn’t stop his headache from growing and his heart from aching at the mere suggestion that his star, his Polaris, was gone.

__

But Hwanwoong was indeed standing in front of him, indeed telling him that nobody had any clue where his precious love had gone. 

And Seonghwa was left alone without a leading hand to take him through this storm.

__

Seonghwa had to gather his every ounce of strength not to break down in front of the Fairy, but-

__

It was hard. So hard to stay strong when the hand that had always offered to lead him out of his misery was gone.

__

“Okay so - what am i supposed to do now?” Seonghwa hadn’t planned to sound so small and defeated, but he was hanging on by a thread. He couldn’t help himself and tumbled back into his chair from which he had jumped up earlier when the Fairy had relayed the bad news for the first time.

__

Hwanwoong heaved a sigh before lowering his hands and taking a careful step towards the older. But Seonghwa had no energy left to get mad. 

There wasn’t even a reason for it- Hwanwoong hadn’t done anything but deliver the sparse information they currently had.

__

Which weren’t a lot more than Polaris being gone and nobody having a freaking clue where to.

__

“What am i supposed to do now Hwanwoong.”

__

The younger came up to him and kneeled to his side, taking the older’s hand.

“Oh Seonghwa. If you don’t know, i doubt any of the stars will find an answer. None of us is wiser than you two. So with you clueless and him gone - i don’t think we’ll be of much help.”

__

And Seonghwa knew it was true. If he couldn’t come up with an idea on what to do, nobody would.

_  
  
_

“Hwanwoong?”

__

“Yes, Seonghwa”

__

He looked at their connected hands, his throat closing up with every passing second.

__

“What if he’s on earth?”

__

Hwanwoong looked up, his eyes widening in shock at the implication of Seonghwa’s words. 

__

“What if he decided to become human?”

__

A shaky breath.

__

“What if he has left me behind to pursue his own wish for once?”

_ A long time ago, the Moon and Polaris had noticed that in between all the wishes and questions that the mortals sent up to the sky, they could sense the needs and hopes of one another.  _

_ They had talked about it and had noticed, that they could only sense the cravings of the other, never their own. _

_ And so they had decided to silently care for another instead of talking about it any further - and it had never been a problem. _

_ Taking on a wish the other didn’t know how to resolve, spending a few minutes with another when needed, sending letters to another through the Moonfairy if they were too caught up in work to visit. _

_ It was strange in a way - to always know what the other needed, but never being aware of one’s own cravings. _

_ But amidst all the small things, the moon had slowly begun to notice a recurring thought in polaris’ mind. A fascination with humanity, a worry about their individual wellbeing, a wish to understand what made them wish for the things they do, and the hope to one day experience what it’s like to be human. _

_ But they had always been fleeting, had always been passing through for a few minutes before being buried again by, more often than not, the wish to hold the moon close. _

_ But what if this time, they had manifested enough to be picked up. _

_ What if polaris had allowed his own wish to become true without realizing. _

The longer he thought about it, the more it seemed like the only reasonable explanation for the situation.

__

And suddenly, a cry broke through Seonghwa’s lips.

The pressure in his head and chest growing too big to hold them in any longer.

Forcing him to release the feelings he had tried to hold back.

__

And the space around the two lit up as the first tear rolled down his cheek.

__

Hwanwoong’s eyes grew as he watched Seonghwa wipe away the bright drop which grew as soon as it left his skin, forming bright glowing orb the size of a hand.

__

The younger had never seen the Moon cry, had never seen the birth of a Mosi, only ever heard the stories the stars told about themselves.

There hadn’t been a single incident that had forced Seonghwa to cry ever since Hwanwoong had been born.

__

But the first tear followed a second.

And a third.

__

And one after another, more and more bright drops rolled down Seonghwa’s cheeks and formed bright new stars that filled the space around the two.

It would’ve been a magical moment of wonder if not for the heartbreaking sobs filling the silence.

__

Hwanwoong could only sit and stare at the lights flooding the room, never having seen anything so beautiful and tragic in one.

__

A weak and sad smile formed on Seonghwa’s face as he sent one after the other out of his room so they could explore the sky and be introduced to their new life by the older stars.

They surely would appreciate every extra help, but Seonghwa already knew they would be concerned for what had forced him to birth more Mosi.

__

What had made him so desperate to cry for help.

__  
  


“Hwanwoong”

__

Seonghwa’s tears didn’t stop, continuing to fall and gather around them while his smile started to break for more cried and sobs.

__

“Please hold me”

__

And Hwanwoong held Seonghwa tightly while the older let go of everything and gave himself fully up to the storm of cries and tears.

_ Polaris.  _

_ My love.  _

_ My star.  _

_ My leader. _

_ My - _


	5. Part 4 (Who I Am)

_ “My-” _

__

“ - Hongjoong, are you listening?”

__

Jongho’s voice ripped Hongjoong out of his thoughts and his head snapped up from the page he had blankly stared at. The puzzled look on his face must have been enough of an answer to Jongho and Yunho who were sitting across the table from him in the library. The youngest let out a small huff and tapped on the screen of his Macbook that he had turned to Hongjoong.

__

“I asked if you found out anything new through today’s reading. The news said the meteor shower is supposed to continue for another week.”

__

Hongjoong squinted as his eyes flew over the report Jongho had pulled up, nothing of interest catching his eye.

Turning his eye back onto the book he had been studying earlier, he shook his head.

__

“Nothing, there is zero.”

__

All three let out a sigh simultaneously. 

__

The meteor shower had been going on for close to two weeks now, exactly since the day Hongjoong had literally stumbled upon Yunho. Hongjoong had introduced Jongho to the taller and it ended up being less awkward and anxiety inducing than the youngest had anticipated.

_ After the two students had gathered up their needed materials, they went to a quiet study cafe two blocks down. They had sat down and Hongjoong kept watched as the two animatedly started discussing the topic of the assignment and Yunho explained all the bits and details that Jongho had missed out on. _

_ The younger who seemed intimidated at first, but he slowly started to lose himself in the topic and crawled hesitantly out of his shell. _

_ But Hongjoong was aware that just getting Jongho to talk to someone else and maybe make a new friend in the process wouldn’t heal whatever had brought the younger so close to the edge in the first place. They would talk about this, but maybe only after they saved his final grade. _

_ While the other two were working, writing and discussing, Hongjoong let his mind wander again. _

_ He tried to prod again at the thick fog that was still clouding a lot of his mind, but that only made his head hurt. _

_ To be honest, Hongjoong didn’t knew a lot about anything. Not even about himself. _

_ He was sure of his name. He knew he was in Seoul, South Korea. He should be around twenty? Twenty-one? But that’s where his information about himself halted. _

_ Had he lived all his life here?  _

_ Where had he gone to school? _

_ What was he doing before he had found himself on the bridge? _

_ Did he have family? Friends? Was someone missing him? _

_ And how was he so knowledgeable in everything not relating to himself or his current situation?  _

_ He diverted his thoughts away from his identity crisis as the pounding behind his eyes didn’t help in anything. _

_ Instead he turned his glance towards the big window they were sitting next to. And his eyes got stuck on the bright blue sky that was only interrupted by a few sparsely placed clouds. _

_ And it hit him again how beautiful the sky was. _

_ And how unreal the bright blue seemed.  _

_ As if he had never truly seen the sky before. _

_ “Hongjoong are you crying?” _

_ He barely registered the question that one of the other two must have asked him. _

_ Hongjoong felt a single drop run down his cheek, when he spotted a sparkling glint in the sky. _

_ And then another.  _

_ And another. _

_ Suddenly the sky lit up with one meteor after another. _

  
  


_ Hongjoong shook his head. _

_ “It’s not me that’s crying. _

_ It’s the sky” _

And since that day about two weeks ago, the sky was decorated with a meteor shower.

Nobody knew where it had came from. Nobody knew why it was lasting for this long.

Nobody knew for how long it would continue.

__

It was a repeatedly brought up topic in global news, the scientific community tried everything they could to explain the current phenomenon, to predict how it would continue, estimate if it would cause any actual damage or just be a pretty view for the time being.

__

Nobody had any proper answers.

__

Since the day it had started, Hongjoong had felt a weird attachment to the sky and it’s falling stars. 

He had spent every waking hour researching about astronomy, reading every wikipedia page he could find, studying scientific papers about anything even remotely related to meteors and the like, and had now resorted to going over older books, many less scientific and more leaning towards folk tales and bedside stories from hundreds of years ago in hopes of finding something.

__

What exactly he was looking for, he wasn’t so sure of himself. All he had known from that day on was that reading about the universe and looking up everything astronomy soothed his mind, kept his migraine at bay and made him feel more grounded in reality.

It felt as if that was the key to burst through the amnesia clogging up his memories.

__

He had talked with Jongho and Yunho about his feelings and thoughts, had tried to explain to them what was going on inside his mind.

The two hadn’t quite grasped on exactly everything that Hongjoong had told them - Hongjoong hadn’t even told them truly everything, keeping his amnesia under closed covers for now - but they had understood enough to realize how important this personal research was for him and had helped him getting access to the campus library.

__

So that was where Hongjoong had spent most of his time over the past two weeks, with Jongho and Yunho giving him company whenever they had some breather in their schedule or had to do research for themselves.

_  
  
_

That’s where they were at right now.

__

The two students were each working on their own separate projects until Jongho had stumbled upon a new press release stating the meteor shower would surely last for another week.

__

“It’s it amazing we get to see this though?”, Yunho spoke up. “I mean, you already found out something like this never happened before in recorded history, right? Like, it’s not just a meteor shower going on for this long but being able to see this throughout the day? Kind of amazing if you ask me”

__

They have had this conversation a few times already, but it still brought a smile to Hongjoong’s face. The three of them had joked a couple of times already that the continuous meteor shower was a sign of their growing friendship, that it happened just for them - considering it had started the first time they had all sat together, it was a nice little joke between them.

__

But the longer this joke went on, the more Hongjoong grew to feel like there was a little truth hidden in there.

It was just one of these gut feelings he had - which so far had never disappointed him and was the only thing that led him through the uncertainty of his mind.

_  
  
_

Maybe the meteor shower did have something to do with the three of them.

Or maybe just with himself.

__  
  


“Speaking of it”, Jongho grabbed their attention, “how come we haven’t actually spent any time together actively watching it? I mean it’s kinda been going on for a while now and we see it all the time but how about we go and do something tonight?”

__

“I wouldn’t mind going out tonight”, Yunho spoke up. “I’ve been stuck reading the same five pages all day long - and it’s Friday. Staying up a bit to watch the shooting stars and have a nice midnight picnic could do all of us some good.”

__

The two students nodded at each other before facing Hongjoong.

Hongjoong didn’t like their looks.

__

“Are you in? You definitely could use a breather to be honest”, Yunho frowned while Jongho gave a concerned nod. 

__

“It seems like you’re more stressed out about your research than we are about our finals. You haven’t slept properly either” Jongho threw in.

__

Hongjoong gave a sigh. They also had this particular conversation a couple of times already.

He wasn’t sure himself, why he didn’t sleep a lot. He never really felt tired and managed perfectly fine with just an hour or two of shut eye, but this habit seemed to greatly concern the other two. 

Which made sense, Hongjoong had read about sleep and its effects one day when he had suddenly felt urged to find out more about his amnesia and what might have caused it - but he had come up with nothing noteworthy in the end.

__

“Okay, why not”, Hongjoong gave in, defeated. “Let’s go and have a midnight picnic and watch shooting stars. You two won’t let me live if i don’t join in, let’s be honest”

__

“Oh yes, can i invite my other friends? They might want to watch too and i’m sure they need a break as much as we do.” Yunho looked hopeful to Jongho.

__

Jongho shrugged. “Yeah, i don’t mind.”

__

The smile on Yunho’s face grew “Then let’s ditch the library and go prepare. I want snacks and drinks for our party”

__

“It is not gonna evolve into a party” Hongjoong deadpanned.

__

“Not with that attitude, grumpy little man”

__

For that, Yunho got hit by a book.

__

Jongho laughed loud enough to get a few glares from other students around.

__

And Hongjoong had a good gut feeling about it all.

_ “Are we gonna make cheesy wishes upon the shooting stars?” _

_ “Maybe, what are you gonna wish for?” _

_ “I don’t know yet, Hongjoong do you have a question?” _

_ “Yes, a single one. I want to know-” _


End file.
